Speak Clearly
GY LYNN
When I was about eight, I was probably the shyest girl in school. Maybe, there was one other girl who was just as shy. Her name was Dahlia but she didn't speak any English.. But other than Dahlia, I was the quietest girl in the school. Mind you, nothing was wrong with me. I just chose not to speak. And when I say shy, I mean shy. I never said anything in class, and whenever I had to speak to my teacher, I would get stomachache. At times, I liked being shy. I got a lot attention as being the quiet one at school. But eventually, as time went on and I got older, I couldn't stop being so quiet. It became a bad habit I could not break. For years, I struggled to speak up for myself and for others.
By the time I was about eleven, I had no self-esteem and while I probably should have been put into therapy as a child, I remained painfully shy for years. I remember I once went on a ski trip with a small group of students and my teacher. It was torture. They kept saying how quiet I was which made me want to shrivel up and fade away. Even the boy I had such a crush on kept teasing me. But after that trip, I didn't want to be shy anymore. I began to see the repercussions of being shy. I realized one thing: If I didn't speak speak up, I would not get heard which eventually would lead to me not being able to stand up for myself, and more importantly, ask for what I wanted.
When I became a young adult, for many, the opposite of being shy is not being assertive but being aggressive and I became that for many years. When a lady wrongly blamed my sister for walking the dog in the community, I ran out and yelled at her. I was far from calm and thankfully, there was a fence between us otherwise, I probably would have gotten in a fist fight and who knows what.
I became a bull dog and continually fought with others. Anytime, I felt taken advantage of, I went right at that person and it wasn't pretty. Instead of being assertive, I looked like I had a big chip on my shoulder. And I did.
I have learned that speaking up clearly has helped me in everything. With work, with relationships....my goal is to always speak with a firm but kind voice.
I have also had to learn to take my voice down a few notches as it was too high-pitched. To get a good idea of voices to emulate try listening to talk show hosts, or newscasters or those who have high positions. Their voices "I mean business." I really feel how you speak, the tone of your voice, sets the stage for how people respond.
One of the most famous actresses in the world had a baby voice. She was highly intelligent woman but the persona she had onscreen often continued in real life. Unfortunately, she lived in a time when women were not assertive and could not voice their needs like today. So speak up....what you say is important..
Hints:
1. Speak with confidence and slow down. How you say things is just as important as what you say.
2. Watch if you speak like a little girl or boy. You are an adult..present yourself to the world like that.
3. Along with listening to the wants and needs of the other person, be sure to include yours. Simply say..."I want..." "I need" how they respond is not in your control but at least you made it clear what you want and need.
4. If you are screaming or yelling all the time, you are not being heard, you are being avoided.
5. Watch for whiny voices, voices that complain and go on and on...(I have been guilty of this).
When I became a young adult, for many, the opposite of being shy is not being assertive but being aggressive and I became that for many years. When a lady wrongly blamed my sister for walking the dog in the community, I ran out and yelled at her. I was far from calm and thankfully, there was a fence between us otherwise, I probably would have gotten in a fist fight and who knows what.
I became a bull dog and continually fought with others. Anytime, I felt taken advantage of, I went right at that person and it wasn't pretty. Instead of being assertive, I looked like I had a big chip on my shoulder. And I did.
I have learned that speaking up clearly has helped me in everything. With work, with relationships....my goal is to always speak with a firm but kind voice.
I have also had to learn to take my voice down a few notches as it was too high-pitched. To get a good idea of voices to emulate try listening to talk show hosts, or newscasters or those who have high positions. Their voices "I mean business." I really feel how you speak, the tone of your voice, sets the stage for how people respond.
One of the most famous actresses in the world had a baby voice. She was highly intelligent woman but the persona she had onscreen often continued in real life. Unfortunately, she lived in a time when women were not assertive and could not voice their needs like today. So speak up....what you say is important..
Hints:
1. Speak with confidence and slow down. How you say things is just as important as what you say.
2. Watch if you speak like a little girl or boy. You are an adult..present yourself to the world like that.
3. Along with listening to the wants and needs of the other person, be sure to include yours. Simply say..."I want..." "I need" how they respond is not in your control but at least you made it clear what you want and need.
4. If you are screaming or yelling all the time, you are not being heard, you are being avoided.
5. Watch for whiny voices, voices that complain and go on and on...(I have been guilty of this).
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